i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
