carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
