Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
