How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize