i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
