My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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