Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
