Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
