just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
