i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize