you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
