You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
