i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
