I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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