sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
