Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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