pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
