i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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