Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
is this the sara with the beer cane?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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