evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize