people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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