you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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