Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
