I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
