I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
