I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you would pick up someone in the library
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
