These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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