By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
