I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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