That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He did a backflip because drugs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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