forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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