I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
