How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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