Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
