I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
