just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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