Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
