I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
