New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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