I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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