Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
