fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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