whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
