Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
