Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
