i think i scared a bird with my dick
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize