Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
