Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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