Michael Bay diarrhea
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
