i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
