so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
