I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
