Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
