I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
