Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
