I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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