Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
