Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
