Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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