The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
God, I missed his penis.
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