You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
