When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
