I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
