We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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