turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
